Off-track? When our goals and declarations stutter to a stop, our proactive-self immediately turns to a reactive-being. We get into a vicious cycle of reacting to our circumstances instead of making things happen. I’m here to help you prevent that from happening. Learn my 4 repair tricks!
What ain’t gonna work
Forward is the right direction, no? As with anything in moving forward it’s a lot easier to use a flashlight than to stumble in the dark. Understanding our triggers and how to defeat them is one key to victory. Picture this; we start the year off strong. The first week we’re super motivated. The second week it gets a little harder. The third week something happens; we’re not sure what…but we veer off course; so much so we decide to set-up camp. I’ve personally been there many times. Frankly, my old patterns are comfortable, they’re easy. But friend, there is something else I’ve learned; “comfortable” and “easy” ain’t gonna getcha where ya want ta go. So let’s learn more about what trips us up in the first place.
Here are the top stumbling blocks:
L = LIES we believe.
It’s too hard. Let’s face it, when things are hard ‘quitting’ comes to mind. This year quitting is not an option. Your goals need to be challenging, but they don’t need to be hard. There’s a difference. It’s called pace and workload. It’s too hard is a lie. When actions are taken step-by-step anything is possible.
THE FIX: Breakdown your resolution and put a plan in place. Write down what you want to do every week, then every day, then every morning and evening. Just make sure you win. I don’t care how small the step is, you’re still moving forward. Make the day count.
A = ACTIONS WE DON’T TAKE.
There’s a lack of motivation. When I’m unmotivated I procrastinate. I wait until I FEEL like it. Well if I waited until I FELT like it all the time, nothing would move forward. There are a couple of things I’m talking about. The first is to understand the purpose. Why must this get done? What space does it fill? What piece of my goal does this satisfy? The second is the FEEL part. This is a time when you pull-up your boot-straps and put the emotions aside.
THE FIX: Ask yourself, “How am I going to feel when I get this done?” If your answer is ‘relief, amazing, good, a load off’, then that means it needs to happen…make it so.
Z = ZOMBIE GOALS.
Our goal is not specific. It’s like we’re walking around like zombies. Let’s say my resolution is to manage my finances better; I declare “I’m going to save money this year.” Then what? Ask yourself these questions: Who? What? When? Where? How? Who is going to help me? What changes am I going to do? When am I going to review these things? Where am I going to go if I need help? How am I going to succeed? When you have the answers to these questions you have a better view of how it’s going to happen.
THE FIX: be specific when writing your goals, something like this: “I’m going to review my cash flow and budget every Thursday after work.” To help you out in the goal department I created a printable on the Freebies page.
Y-YELLERS get our attention.
We get distracted. When our focus isn’t on our end goal we flounder around in circles. Some people get stuck in this pattern and find it harder and harder to break free. To breakthrough this twister, we must intentionally turn away from the distracting force and focus on what lies ahead. I read an article a few years ago about the power behind just seeing the word “FOCUS”; it said that it can mysteriously snap us back on track. It sounds crazy, but I tried it, and it worked for me.
THE FIX: when you find yourself getting distracted, recognize what is happening and remove yourself from the distracting environment. Write the word “focus” and place it in areas where distractions linger.
And…there it is
If you haven’t quite figured it out yet, the acronym I used was LAZY. Our resolutions fail because we get lazy. Been there, done that! We are human ya know. Another way to look at it, it that you might say we get “lazy eye”, not physically, but mentally. We lose sight of our WHY, why am I doing this anyway, we might ask.
The word “lazy” means: unwilling to work or use energy. Talk about a knife in the wound. Lazy isn’t a bad word, especially on your day off. But it can be used against you in all other states of affairs.
My perspective about personal goals and resolutions is this: no one is going to do it for you. If you want it, YOU have to go get it. Staying reactive to things in life isn’t life, that’s existence…you just exist. But when you use your knowledge, resources, talents, strength, and creativity to go after your own goals…that’s not only productive, that’s doing more than existing.
This is YOUR year; take things step-by-step, check your motivation, use specifics when setting goals, and FOCUS. May your year be filled with dreams, plans, and amazing goals for your soul.
Slow down Showdown is an event we racehorses ignore. However, to have endurance and finish strong, a ‘whoa back’ is in dire order. Today I have four questions to help you figure out how to slow down before its made for you without your consent.
“She’ll be coming around the mountain when she comes.”
While writing this post a lyric from the old childhood song, She’ll Be Coming Around the Mountain” got stuck in my head. ‘Whoa back’, she’ll be driving six white horses when she comes ‘whoa back’. Busyness can take many forms: a badge of accomplishment, a strained ball-n-chain, or simply a lifestyle without margin. When we get in busy-mode we have blinders in our peripheral vision, our backs are heavily weighed, and we kick ourselves to go faster. The term ‘whoa back’ isn’t in our vocabulary, so slowing down would be a crime.
However, at some point, we will get bucked off and hit the ground. After we dust ourselves off we most likely will ask what the heck was that? Or where did that come from? Staying on the horse is about knowing when to say “not right now”. It’s about knowing where we need to slow down. And it’s about knowing how to do it.
1. What caused that?
I recently got bucked off of not knowing what caused my unstoppable manner. My schedule had no margin. If I wasn’t working on DMTE, I was working my second job, and if I wasn’t doing that, I was busy with some other project, and then finally…I would fill in the cracks with my family. My priorities were out-of-whack. The harmony of the many roles I played each day was out of tune. And the problem was that I knew I had too much in my schedule. Does anyone hear me? I knew it but ignored it.
Was I addicted to busy? Running from something? Trying to impress someone? I’m not 100% sure, but I know when I fall prey to comparison my schedule builds. If she can do it, I can do it. The word “no” doesn’t exist. The word “stop” is blasphemy.
How this happens
During these comparison seasons chatting with colleagues and
hearing stories of massively insane schedules makes me wonder how they get it
all done. Am I doing something wrong? Am I not doing enough? Are they really
getting it done? This thinking catalyzes my expectations of myself, which can
be good and bad, but differentiating between the two is a challenge.
Why am I so tired?
This is mentality exhausting and frankly, it’s stupid thinking. No one is perfect. Who has it all figured out? No one is ever skipping down the Yellow Brick Road with all her ducks in a row. Everyone has different strengths. Yet, the problem with comparisons, whether it be on social media or in grocery store conversations, is that we don’t know the whole story. We don’t always see the condition of others’ hearts and how it weighs on their wellness. We just see the ‘yes man’ and subconsciously start to compete.
It’s a vicious cycle and a damaging one. We agree to things we don’t want to do, we fill our schedules to please others, and we constantly aim for perfection. But what happens to us in the process? What happens to our well-being? What happens when we’re running here and there and everywhere with no time to spare? Mistakes. Mistakes happen.
2. When do we know when we need to slow down?
My red flags came from a variety of sources. One was my family voicing their opinion. Other flags blocked me from enjoying the outdoors like I used to. Another came from messages I heard in church or songs in my playlist. And the biggest one came from my body, the one vessel that makes it all happen. If there is one thing that will slow us down, it’s our bodies. My mistake was not listening to these messages. I kicked my butt a little too hard to try to go faster…literally, I got horrible piriformis syndrome which forced me to slow down, way down. Before the injury, I knew I was exhausted mentally, spiritually, and physically, but I pressed on. And it got me nowhere.
The Bible talks a lot about slowing down, to take a Sabbath (Exodus 20:9-10), to just be (Psalm 46:10), and to come to Him who are weary and need rest (Matthew 11:28). These are just a few references in the Bible. But the Lord has a reason for teaching us how to slow down. He put it in the Bible so it must important, right? I believe one of those reasons is to give our bodies and minds rest so we don’t make big mistakes.
3. Where do we need to slow down?
This question is simply answered by paying attention. Where are you most stressed? What is occupying the majority of your time? How is your schedule affecting others? Are they agitated? Needy? Lonely? Perfecting balance in every area of your life is not a destination. It’s a moment. We can’t be everywhere at once, hence this blog post. There will be days when the schedule weighs heavier in one area than another, but the key is to recognize it. Quieting the mind and sitting in silence helps see where there is congestion. Slowing down a racehorse isn’t easy, so start with giving yourself five minutes of silence. This awareness helps you try harder the next day to find that harmony. Consciously be aware of how you’re using your time, you’ll see where it needs to slow down.
4. How do we slow down before it’s forced upon us?
This is a great question. I’m still practicing on figuring it
out. One thing is for sure, we need to set boundaries. Setting boundaries gives
us permission to say ‘not right now’ or ‘no, but thank you for thinking of me’.
Boundaries give us our space to recuperate
so when we do say ‘yes’ we can be our best. You can say ‘no’ to others, but
it’s imperative to also say ‘no’ to yourself and the expectations you’ve
Racing with other horses is a game; it’s not a way to live. When
you’re coming around the mountain, see if you need to ‘whoa back’ before moving
Challenges build character, right? I try to remind myself of that every time a ‘crisis’ rises. But why are we so hard on ourselves when trials surface? Part of the reason is perfectionism. Impatience comes to play. Then anger seeps into the equation. With all these feelings spinning, we lose sight of how to get through it. God put us on this planet to teach us, to love us, and to get us ready for eternity. One of the ways He demonstrates His confidence in us is through grace. Check out my three tricks to playing your cards.
A few years ago I was talking with my husband about my physical ailments. You see as a kid, my deep desire was to achieve optimal health. I exercised, I ate well, and I wanted to run a marathon. Then the disease kicked in. As a kid I got sick numerous times a year, as a young adult I fracture my hip which has left me ‘run-less’, and later in life, my immune system attacked my digestive health; among other unforeseen troubles, my dream was turning into dust or was it?
As I was going through my list of hurts, my husband said something I’ve heard many times but for some reason, it struck a chord in me that day. He said, “You gotta play the cards you’re dealt.” It was a way of reminding me that I’m not in control, yet to trust the One who is; and that I have a choice to fold my cards or to keep on playing them.
Right now in this post, I’m probably supposed to tell you to not “fold your hand”; but it’s in the folding of our hands where we learn how to play. When we ask God for help in our hardships, He helps us find the right path to run down…if we’re willing to step in that direction. So yes, fold when you have to, not to get out of the game, but to study the game and learn a better strategy.
First: Be good to yourself
There are times when we need to be our own advocate when it comes to our health. I made it my mission to get healthy. With this quest, I tried a lot of things and failed. I’m not where I want to be right now, but I’m not giving up. This is where grace gets dealt into the game. When we’re in a swirl of emotions, it’s critical to get some space to find grace. And it’s there in which all becomes clearer and we get wiser with our decisions.
What ‘grace’ am I talking about? The grace of civility towards ourselves; when we’re going through a rough season, remember to love-on yourself, not to punish or blame you. Be good to yourself, respect your well-being, and understand where you are and where you want to go; because it’s in those moments of grace, where the untangling begins, and where we see what cards to play next.
Secondly: Get in the right mindset
One late August I rediscovered how to wrap myself with a little grace. To transition from a busy summer to starting the school year, my family and I went camping. We hooked up the RV (don’t judge me, we got our tent badge years ago) and settled in a wooded campsite. Faint smells of last night’s campfires drifted under my nose, the quaking leaves and distance boat motors rested on my shoulders. And the canopy of trees comforted my busy head. That weekend I made it a point to go for a walk at least twice a day, not for exercise, but for rest.
As I walked through the sun beamed shadows my mind went back to my roots. As a child I played in the woods for hours on end. My imagination soared between the branches. And my energy and creativity glowed with every step I took. It was there where I felt like I could accomplish anything, where I felt strong and confident, where I felt healthy. And here I was once again in the mindset I needed to continue to take on.
Thirdly: have a place of refuge
My childhood goal for optimum health gave me a run for my money. My body has failed me over and over; funny how that works. If God wants me to have good health, He’s not going to give it to me on a silver platter; He knows I’m smart. He knows that if I want it bad enough, I’m going to use the gifts He gave me to figure it out. When I face a new challenge with my health, I head to the woods and fold my hands. I can’t stress enough of how many times I’ve heard Him speak and direct my path of who I need to talk to next, or what to try, or with even getting a last-minute appointment. It’s been in my special sanctuary where I get instruction on what cards to play next.
God puts our special place of refuge in each of our hearts; mine is walking down a lined path of trees. Yours may be the beach, the mountains, the lake, the prairie, the park, the farm, or the river. Think of where you feel your best in nature, then go there for a dose of grace. You just may find your card strategy in reaching your goals and get a rekindle under feet.
All in all
The grace you give yourself is what will help you have a winning hand. One of the ways to get started is to read affirmations that love on yourself. I have a powerful list of my 30 affirmations. Download them today. Head to freebies to get them.
When I can’t shut the mind off I sometimes experience ‘anxiety anaphylaxis’; sounds worse than it is, I just get super moody. Why does this happen to me? I can sum it up in one word: BUSY. When it comes to being a mom, ‘busy’ is born right along with your little one. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE being a mom and I don’t mind being busy every once in a while, but it’s when BUSY takes over that I can’t think straight, my ‘to-do’ list turns into ‘to-do’ book, and the calendar looks like someone threw-up on it. Been there?
Busy Badge – not so
was a noun it would be a ball-and-chain latched to my ankle. I don’t see ‘busy’
as a badge of accomplishment; I see it as a stock or pillory. Here’s why: ‘Busy’ is yearning to do things you want to do without
having the time to do them. That’s my version of the definition.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary says ‘busy’ is: engaged
in action, occupied. Here’s the difference between the two definitions,
when I’m ‘engaged in action’ with an activity I want to do, I’m not ‘busy’, I’m free. You might need to read that again to let it sink in.
How do we do it?
How do we shut the mind off to have the freedom to work on the things that bring purpose into our lives? Personal development? Or on the flip-side, how to not think about anything?
Men are pretty good at being able to turn their minds off. My husband and I will be having coffee, talking right along than five minutes of silence go by so I ask what my husband is thinking; and he says, “Nothing”. Seriously? Mark Gungor, author, and motivational speaker has an excellent and hilarious way of describing the differences between men and women’s minds. For instance, men have this thing called the ‘Nothing Box’. I mean, what the heck is that? You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWiBRL-bxiA so funny.
5 Effective Ways for us ladies
But how do we ladies go about finding how to shut the mind off?
1. Change environments. Escape from the environment that is causing you to constantly think of your to-do list, or the problem you’re facing. For instance; for me, I need to step away from the house. Because I’m a stay-at-home-mom I live in my work. So when I’m at my house it’s natural for me to always have a project going. For short term results, I’ll go to my favorite store and wonder. I didn’t say buy stuff, just window shop. For long term effects, we get out of town; and for my family that means camping. If you’re stuck inside get some amazing wall art and lose yourself in the picture.
2. Write things out. Putting it down on paper makes things more do-able. We, humans, tend to let our mind get away from us. We play-up our tasks way harder than they really are. Yet, when we get it down on paper it helps calm our neurons. I personally enjoy taking a clean sheet of copy paper, grabbing a pencil, and drawing a circle. From the circle, I create branches of all the things I’m thinking about…primarily my to-do list or ideas…then I break those branches into smaller do-able bites. Or go the traditional route and invest in a journal.
3. Converse with God. Talking with God helps me release the chains and give them to Him. Did you catch what I said? “Talking with God, not at Him or to Him, but with, like a friend talks with a friend. He wants a relationship with you, he wants to hear your side of the story, and he wants to help you. All you need to do is talk with Him. For instance, I escape to my favorite walking place and pray while I’m walking. For me, hearing my voice speak rather than trying to sort it all out in my mind helps me focus on the conversation. Then I stop talking and just listen; this gives me a breather and a chance for God to breathe into me. I enjoy Jesus Calling as a nice devotional to help hear His voice.
4. Watch a good show. There is no better feeling than turning on a movie at my fingertips. The comfy clothes come on and my ‘please don’t ask me anything’ time starts. When we are entertained it gives us time to relax and just be. Our brains need it, especially to sleep. It’s a chance we get to wander out of our reality and into a story.
Here’s a tip, be picky of what you put in your brain. If you’re looking to just feel good and float on a cloud, don’t choose The Silence of the Lambs; maybe try La La Land, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, or Steel Magnolias. If you don’t have a Smart TV a Fire TV Stick is the way to go. It’s super easy to get Netflix, Hulu, and Prime video to name a few…and cheaper! Ask yourself what you want to get out of a show before you start channel flipping. And yes, it’s true, what you put in your mind affects how you think, and how you think affects how you act.
5. Create. Creativity gets your mind off the stress and into a different state of being. Entrepreneur.com has a great article on the benefits of putting our creativity to use. There are scientific studies on how it can reduce stress. Psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, says that when you “lose yourself” in the composition of a song (creating)…, you are essentially entering a healthy flow state. No wonder I feel so great after I create something. Experiment in the kitchen, rearrange your furniture, color, create a playlist…we all have creative abilities. I really love this adult coloring book: Psalms in Color.
I challenge you to tap into at least two of the above suggestions this week to shut the mind off. Ask yourself what do I need to let go to give myself the time I need? Want more about ‘busy’, check-out this post.
What are you doing in-between the numbers? In other words, how are you spending your time when you’re not working? If you were to look back on your life do you see any regrets?
The saying “Time is money” seeps into my heart every time I hear a life end prematurely, or when I hear of a sobering diagnosis of a family member, or a grave attack on the innocent. Let me ask you this: Do you truly and honestly value your time? How dare me to ask that question! No matter our race, age, religion, pocketbook, or sex we all have time.
What does sex have to do with this?
Sex has a lot to do with time. Not physical sex. Got ya there, but sex as in sexagesimal.
Wikipedia assured me that sexagesimal has nothing to with actual sex, but it has a lot to do with time. In the 3rd millennium BC sexagesimal was defined as a numerical system for time having a base of 60.
Sexagesimal helped us put numbers on the clock. What we do in-between those numbers defines how we live. The choices we make affect how we use our time.
Regrets, what are they?
Regrets happen when you feel sad or sorry for something you did or didn’t do…with your time. If you ‘Google’ “regrets in life” you’ll find a slew of articles. One of those articles was about a nurse, who cared for people on their deathbed. She had a lot of conversations with her patients about regrets. She heard a lot of the same things.
The most common regrets include:
To of had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
I wish I didn’t work so hard.
To of had the courage to express my feelings.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
To had let myself be happier.
Did any of those regrets pop out at you? Scary to think that one of those could be our regret someday. But we don’t have to think that way. We can take charge of our time between the numbers and use them to better ourselves and the people around us.
Here are 5 techniques to living a life without regrets
Pray for guidance in using your time and talents.
Define where you want to spend your minutes: type of work, relationships, passions. It’s not too late to change all that.
Make a ‘vision board’ and look at it daily. Seeing your goals and dreams daily magically helps you achieve them.
Manage your timeon electronics: x amount on social media, x amount for emails and texting, incorporate a turn-off-electronics day.
Schedule ‘Solo Time’. Learn to love discovering yourself, organize your thoughts, and listen to your heart. This includes talking positively to yourself. There are some affirmations in my Freebies for you.
We all may experience ‘regretful season’ in life, I know I have; just remember you’re the one who has to live with it…or die with it for that matter. Stop regret in its track. Notice what is happening. Be aware of your surroundings and move forward.
This Thanksgiving I am grateful for my time because everything I have is a reflection of what I did in-between the numbers on the clock.
A career path can be a smooth clear ride or a mountainous trek during a blizzard. We all have a plan in our minds of where we want to go, how far we want to climb the corporate ladder, and how much money we’d like to make. We think those things will bring gratification and happiness. And in the short term, it does! But when we reach a certain age, some of us think about how we spent our years working and wonder if we did the right thing. I have 4 simple ways to make sure you reach gratification during your working years.
What Ralph says
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson was written on a whiteboard when I was in college. I was a little confused because for me my thought process was that college was to teach me how to walk down the path, how to survive, and thrive on the path already made.
To make my own path sounded absurd. Why would I do that when there’s a path already made?
When I graduated college (20+ years ago) I couldn’t find a job in my major. As I said, back then I was the type of person who liked to follow the process. But the process wasn’t working according to my plan. Ironically I felt alone but was far from it. CNBC states, “51 percent of graduates from the classes of 2014 and 2015 said they are working in jobs that do not require their college degree…”
The hope for correction
Here’s the hope: when we are on the wrong path, God will correct us IF we ask Him. Proverbs 3:6, “In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”
He will instruct by a whisper, words through a person, His Word, or an event. He will point when we are ready to see.
My redirect was an event. I suffered through a harsh pregnancy and miraculously gave birth to a healthy baby. This certainly opened my eyes!
A new meaning of career path
My perspective transformed from wanting a step by step career path, to wanting to be ME again. I wanted my child to see ME, the person who is passionate about her dreams, and not a rat raced woman to be seen only from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm. If there is one thing I can give this world, it’s a child who knows his mom.
4 simple ways to a fulfilling career path:
Proactively seek a relationship with God every day. Reading a daily devotional is a great way to go about this. A devotional gives you a quick verse, a short paragraph of interpretation or related story, and a simple prayer. What devotional to get? I personally have found nourishment in Jesus Calling or Trusting God Day by Day.
Make peace with past decisions, and see how they helped rather than deterred. One activity I’ve to help me see the positives out of not so positive jobs and decisions are to write down what good came out of it. Was it being more organized? Standing up for myself? Learning that I didn’t like it? Understanding what kind of people I work well with? What kind of work environment I thrive or die in? There is always something we can learn from any experience. When we write those down we’ll remember and know what to look for in our next step.
Never lose sight of what you want. Keeping our eyes focused on our end goals leads the way. Yes, there are going to be obstacles, but just because it gets hard, it doesn’t mean you give up. Create a vision board so you have something physical to reference to and look at every day. You can get instructions on how to make a vision board in my Freebies.
Practice bravery. Bravery has a lot to do with what you’re telling yourself. Make sure you’re telling yourself things you need to hear to move forward. Again, head to Freebies to check out 67 of my top favorite affirmations.
We’re here to make trails, not to follow ones.
A question for you
Let me ask you a question: What does your career path look like according to your happiness?
Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” It’s in this context that helped me get back to being a pioneer of my own path. Just remember there is no ‘right’ way to go about our career path. When people tell you to go about it in a certain way, think of those ways as suggestions.
Joyce Meyer, Christian author, says, “Your priority is NOT to keep everyone else in your life happy by doing all the things they expect; it is to live a life that is pleasing to God and one that you can enjoy.”
My path got pushed, pulled, twisted, and stretched in some directions that made me stronger yet in other tracks made me wonder if God was trying to steer me to where I am today. Adjusting my path to sync with my drive to be a stay-at-home-mom has been a priceless journey.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wasn’t talking about how to climb the corporate ladder, he was talking about your wellbeing. Your unique path is a journey based on bravery, faith, and being true to yourself. Explore your existence; listen for direction, and create new ways to make a path.
I may not be able to control the circumstance, but I can adjust how I react to it. Years ago, I went sailing in a Butterfly sailboat. This wasn’t just for leisure, but for clarity. Engaging in the outdoors helps me put things in perspective. This particular solo sail was different than my previous marine quests. Gray skies, inconsistent wind, and cool temperatures circled me, but I went anyway.
My husband was working on his computer while I ventured out on the water. “Honey, please keep an eye on me. If I tip over, I might need your help,” I said to him. “Yeah, no problem,” he replied back.
Off I went. The wind pressed my face. The sound of the wake soothed my spirit. This is just what I needed, then WHOOSH! A gust of wind caught the sail. I quickly loosened my grip on the rope. My skin pricked as I stood vertical for a few seconds; then the boat crashed back down where I almost tipped over backward! “That was a close one,” I said out loud. I continued to get random gusts. My grip on the rope ached.
A circumstance is a condition that accompanies a fact or an event. We all face circumstances in life. And we all are challenged by how we react to them. We can throw a fit, fight it, or blame everyone…but ourselves; however, our other choice is to tighten our belt, accept the challenge, and work through it.
In Psalm 16:8 David says this about circumstance, “I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (NIV) If only I practiced this throughout my life. I’ve been through many circumstances where I did fight it, I threw fits, and I blamed others…not proud moments of mine. But when I gave the circumstance to God for him to figure it out, I stopped fighting, whining, and blaming. I became a better person.
“The greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.”
With the wind howling and my grip weakening, I started to head back to shore. WHOOSH! The boom shot out! The rope burned my palms. I couldn’t control it. “Oh crap!” Into the water I went.
After fully realizing what just happened, and seeing that the wind was pushing the boat. I looked to the shore for my husband. Eck-em’…I looked to the shore for my husband. Hmm.
“Okay, I can do this,” I coached.
With all my might, I shimmied up the daggerboard with my lifejacket on…this is a lot harder than it seems. From past experiences, I knew I had to stand on the board and lean back to get the sail out of the water. The only problem was that I was by myself and was worried the wind would grab hold of the sail and take off. As soon as the boat filled up-right, I clinched the edge of the boat. Sure enough, the wind got a hold of the sail and I quickly got my body back in the middle. I took hold of the rudder and carefully managed the sail, but the wind gusts yelled at me. This was a bad idea.
My mind raced. I was about 150 yards from the dock. Whitecaps were forming. Darker clouds were approaching. And there was no way I could sail without tipping again. I looked to the shore for my husband. Hmm.
“Oh help me God,” I prayed.
Then I got an idea, take the sail down and swim back.
Managing a circumstance is being able to know when to stop fighting it and when to give it to God.
Here are 3 powerful tacking tricks to help stay afloat
Discern. How is this making me feel? Who is this affecting besides me? What values do I have that are above this circumstance? What can I learn of this?
Discipline. “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV) We discipline our tongues. We feed on goodness…good music, positive movies, healthy conversations, eat clean food, and read the Word. In a world like today, this needs discipline before depression sets-in.
Do. We pray and ask for help while we try everything in our power to manage the circumstance. If this doesn’t work, then we give it all to God and let God be who He is, our Savior. Some might argue on the order…why not give it to God first? Because God gave us the power, the heart, and the brains to move. He’s not a genie, He’s a father. Have you heard, “If we do our part, then He will do His”?
“You can’t be a prisoner of your circumstances.” Joyce Meyer
I swam the boat back to the dock that day. I faced my circumstance; in fact, I jumped right into it. It was humbling, it was cold, and it was hard, but I used what God gave me and saw Him help me through it.
This sailboat experience is just a small physical example of how we cannot control our circumstances. I know my sailing event doesn’t compare to unemployment, infertility, sickness and disease, loss of a loved one, unexpected expenses, and broken relationships…or does it?
What is one small step you can do to manage a circumstance you’re facing now?
Is it me, or is it true that the last six weeks of school are insanely busy? Every year I say to myself, “I can handle May and June; I’m prepared for it.” But when it hits all the neat and tidy thoughts explode into chaos. Seriously! What am I doing wrong? The answer to this question is not what I’m doing right or wrong, the answer sits before my action.
My margin in the next four weeks is narrow. Some people see busy as a badge, some see it as a weight. And if you’re like me, I actually like to be busy…its fun for me…most of the time. But right now, it’s no joke; I am too busy to enjoy ‘busy’. I feel like someone should slap me in the face and say, “Get a hold of yourself Christy!” There are probably a lot of issues in this paragraph, but that’s a different post.
Don’t get me wrong I’m excited about having fun this summer with my family, but since I work from home, balance and harmony with projects and play can be super challenging! So I have a choice during these anxious weeks on the edge of summer: I can work on these things every spare moment, or I can embrace this time and live in the moment.
Right now I’m supposed to tell you that I chose to live in the moment. That I am skipping down the sidewalk smelling the lilacs, singing the words Carpe Diem, and hosting a butterfly on my shoulder. Yeah, that’s…not…happening. Yes I want to smell the lilacs, yes I want to change the world, yes I want to love on my family, and yes I want to get things done for church, the community, my job, the school fundraisers…yes, yes, yes! Um…hmm…so…this is when you see me draw circles in the dirt with my toe. Yep. I just realized what’s been happening. “Yes.”
It’s my fault. My expectations and my make-believe expectations others have for me weakens my stance. The answer to ‘what am I doing wrong’ sits on one of two words: YES or NO. I need to pick one when someone asks me something. More importantly, I need to pick one when I ask myself of something.
So which word is going to hold the most weight?
It depends. It depends on your personal values. Values? According to Dictionary.com, values are a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Let me ask you, do you know what your values are? Have you ever really thought about it?
If we want to be true to ourselves, values hold a lot of weight. So check this out, if people could use their values as a guide to their ‘yes’ or ‘no’, then life would be so much more enjoyable, don’t cha think? Isn’t that what were after? Joy? Then why is it so hard to use our values? Why have I collapsed these past weeks? Because I FORGOT to use my values to hold me up. I forgot! This was my #1 mistake!
If you were a knight geared up for battle, what piece of equipment protects you from arrows? What piece of equipment gives you a little more confidence when running towards the battlefield? Do you remember that scene in the movie 300 when all the soldiers used their shields to protect themselves? That’s what values do.
I wrote this post to remind you to not lose sight of your values; to put your values in-front of your YES or NO. And to not forget the power and protection that values hold. Young eyes are watching you.
Head to my Freebies for a free Printable to help you define your values.
Like the post? Please ‘share’ or ‘like’ on social media, this helps the post reach more people. Thank you! And don’t forget to subscribe to get the latest posts, tips & tricks, and surprises! Subscribe here.
Have you ever looked at your baby picture and asked yourself, “Am I the person you thought I was going to be?” I know that sounds weird asking a baby picture a question, but what do you think your answer would be? Identity, or lack of, affects not only your own well-being but the goodness of others.
Back in 2006, I had one of those “clarity moments”. I’d been in corporate life for a few years; I had a nice paycheck and benefits. Yet I was anxious. I remember looking around the office and asking myself, “Is this what I want my life to look like?” Windowless office, sitting, doing more work than my superior, sitting, trying to look busy on slow days, and sitting. My eyes were tired, my butt was sore, and I felt underappreciated. The worst part was I started to feel disconnected from myself. My abilities and gifts were not being used the way I imagined them to be. Have you been there?
I wanted to blame someone else
I wanted to blame someone else for my circumstance, but I couldn’t because I owned it. You see, I’m NOT a desk-sitting-for-8-hours kind of person, but I didn’t know that then. In fact, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I just went through the motions, identifying myself with my job like everyone else. Get this; more than 70% of people in the workforce aren’t satisfied with their career choices. Well, I was certainly one of those people.*
“Oh Dear God, what do I do?” I prayed. I wasn’t expecting to hear anything back; I just prayed to get it off my shoulders and put it on His.
About a day after that prayer I felt a thump, thump, thump. Something was trying to get my attention. “Who’s there?” A few days went by and again I heard the thumping. On that particular weekend, my parents cleaned their bookshelves and gave me my old photo album. I used to look through this album all the time as a kid. But that evening after I got home, I sat quietly on my bed and flipped through the pages with adult eyes. As I looked inside myself through the pigtails, dirt scuffed knees, and dress-up clothes; I could sense God talking to me but I wasn’t sure what He was saying. So I left it.
‘eh, no big deal’
In 2007 I memorized a few Bible verses thinking ‘eh, no big deal’, but before I knew it I was sitting in my boss’s office reciting the verses and giving up my desk chair! It wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows after I left. In fact, the funny thing was…it didn’t solve my core problem at all, but I now knew what my problem was. My whole obstacle in finding Joy in my journey was my lack of validation that I even existed!
Back to the photo album, I went to look specifically at my baby picture. I wanted to see what God saw when He created me. As my eyes warmed, my heart dropped a little. After a catch of my breath, I squinted deeply into the picture. My heart thumped, like that thumping, I felt earlier. And I whispered, “I see you. Don’t go anywhere. I’ll catch up.”
My blog started from an identity crisis.
It’s taken me a while to understand that Identity isn’t a fixed ‘thing’. It isn’t a job, label, health issue, birth order, or past event ‘deal’. Identity isn’t something perfect in its right place. It’s a breathing beat that influences our choices. At times we hear the beat clearly and in a rhythmic pattern; other times it’s faint and conflicting.
During those faint times, life can be frustrating, stressful, and a bit depressing. I’ve been there. And to think this crisis only affects you, is wrong. The people around you feel it too. From that point on I was on a quest to figure out how to make harmony with my identity and what the world throws at it. It’s been a fun ride and an eye-opening venture; I can’t wait to share all I’ve learned and experienced. So I made it my mission to help people find value in themselves and for them to live a life that brings value to others.
One of the ways to do this is to get a better understanding of our identity. Not just by searching within, but looking up. We were made for a reason, so why not ask Him what it is? I want to play my unique beat in a way that sends an inspiring message for the world to hear and learn from. Don’t you? So when you feel the thumping; I hope you know where to look to find out ‘Who’s there’ because without your unique beat, the world suffers a little bit more. Take a look at your baby picture this weekend and ask it a question.
*For more reading about your career and shocking statistics Forbes has a good article here.