Mental health tips for teens coming right up! Mental health is just like taking care of our physical health. The term “Mental Health” is not a bad word, it’s not “crazy”, and it isn’t something to take lightly. How to manage mental health is daily exercise, just like going for a walk or drinking water for our bodies. I’ve got five valuable tips you’re going to want to check out to get on the road to genuine joy!
Hey Parents! Children are resilient, do you really think?
As parents, we are told to feed our children a variety of foods, to get enough sleep, and to exercise. We want them to learn how to read, do chores, and be responsible. But what about their mental health? No one told me as a parent to teach my child how to deal with stress, depression, or low self-esteem; we were told children are resilient. Yet, are children really resilient?
In some instances, yes we all are resilient. But with traumatic events that cause deep wounds, resilience isn’t going to work. From a loss of a friend, a major illness or injury, physical or verbal abuse, or embarrassing events, some experiences or words, for that matter, will stick with them and affect their psyche. Heck, it happens to us parents! No one wants to be depressed, let alone their child or teenager. But how do we help them know how to manage mental health?
There are many things we can try at home before jumping to a therapist and prescriptions. **Please know I am NOT a professional counselor, nor am I trying to be. I share information I have either experienced myself or are extremely interested in. This article is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Please consult your physician before jumping into new things.**
Mental health tips for teens: the beginning
For young children knowing how to manage mental health starts with them watching you do things. They aren’t going to naturally know how to manage depression, they need you to encourage them, show them, and walk alongside them.
My parents were big outdoor people. My mom gardened and my dad worked in the yard; we were outside doing projects and playing all the time. I learned at a young age how to develop a relationship with nature. It was not until later in life I realized how important that relationship was going to be. Nature is my #1 go-to for mental health because that’s what my parents did. For instance, gardening is essential for my mental health. There is something about putting your hands in dirt that helps reduce stress. I learned this from my mom.
Get a load of this. National Geographic wrote, “Nature provides us essentials like clean water, food, medicines, even recreational retreats… it also helps regulate our weather and climate. But these systems are extremely fragile…we know that once they are gone, there are no replacements.” We didn’t need National Geographic to tell us this about nature. However, isn’t that statement similar to our mental health? Our brains need clean water, good food, and recreational escapes to help normalize our well-being. If we don’t get these things, our minds, too, are fragile and will break.
Probably the biggest step in helping ourselves and our teens with mental health management is to digest that we have something going on. Upon discovery, many may experience anger at first, but others will feel relief that they finally figured a piece of the puzzle out. Does that make sense? All in all, when we can embrace it and understand it, we’ll have a better chance of managing it and living that amazing life we always envisioned.
5 Mental health tips for teens
1. Get outside
Remember that relationship with nature I started talking about? The National
Academy of Sciences performed a study that shows a simple
90-minute walk in nature {a place with trees} decreases negative thinking about
oneself. Taking a walk in an urban area like a city or industrial park has zero
effect. This study reveals that there is a “…pathway by which nature
experiences may improve mental well-being and suggests that accessible natural
areas within urban contexts may be a critical resource
for mental health…”
We may not have 90 minutes to take a walk but I’m sure we can do 20 minutes. The University of Minnesota says there’s “a growing prevalence of depression caused by ‘nature deprivation,” which is largely due to screen time… Push your kids outside. Yes, even your teenagers. Go with them. Just last night my son and I went outside and played with our dog.
As for other ideas with your teen, start an outside sport together like tennis, pickleball, or throwing the baseball around. Do a project together outside, like a garden, build a hunting blind, do yard work, or have a campfire. Don’t have a yard? Head to the park. Go for a walk. Take up fishing together. My personal favorite is gathering the family together (all ages) and doing The Ultimate Scavenger Hunt Challenge. This is so incredibly fun and inexpensive, perfect for teens to let loose and have fun! You can download the instructions in my Freebies.
Plant trees or volunteer in a park or nature event. If nature goes away; so will our sanity.
For little kids, show them how to build a fort, climb trees, make an obstacle course, look for birds or pretty flowers, or play in the snow. When my son was little I liked to grab a camera (a camera separate from a phone) and ask for certain pictures to be taken, for instance, anything that is yellow, rocks, funny-looking sticks, and things like that. My son absolutely loved it!
2. Do something kind for the body.
Our bodies take most of the brunt of stress. So instead of cursing your body, bless it! As much as my body and mind are not getting along, I’m still kind to it. When you feel good, you are kinder to yourself and others around you. Do you need to go for a run, have a yoga session, a massage, hot bath, or a cup of tea on the couch? Do something that makes you feel better that is good and pure.
Teens, understand your love language. Parents, know what your teen’s love language is, and yours for that matter. If it is gifts you can encourage them by getting them a simple gift that brings comfort, you can get some comfort gift ideas here. Words of affirmation is powerful, these aren’t just compliments, this is speaking truth into their minds. I have a list of affirmations in my freebies you can download. First things first, understand each other’s love language. You can grab the book: The 5 Love Languages to learn more.
Pray together
And don’t forget the power of prayer. Simply giving it all to our Heavenly Father to sort out, gives us natural peace. God is in control, he loves us, and wants us to live a life of love. There is nothing better and going to the source to ask for help, clarity, and healing. I also encourage prayer for protection over the Enemy. Body, mind, and spirit are all connected and affect each other.
3. Eat foods for your brain
Food matters! Your brain needs fats, good fats. And getting the clean kind in your body helps your body and brain fight off free radicals…those are the guys that destroy the good stuff. Here is a post about Omega Oils that will help you out. And don’t forget the avocados. I’ve got a great recipe here. Berries are an amazing ‘happy’ food. Stock up on blueberries, raspberries, and strawberries.
Your brain also needs to be hydrated. Drinking more water really does help with mood and clarity. There are many benefits to water. Stick with filtered water, there is no need to add sweetener or bubbles, your body knows what to do with plain water. Get a cool-looking water bottle and fill er’ up with some H2O.
4. Journal
I know this sounds like old news, but if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Journaling works. When our thoughts are written down on paper, more so than typed, it’s like you’ve given yourself permission to let the hurt get out of you. Writing about your journey really helps process what’s going on. Journaling is a great exercise to help express emotions yet feel like they have privacy. When asked the right journaling questions, there can be a lot of healing. Plus it’s fun to shop for a fun journal.
5. Head to a hobby
A hobby can do loads for mental health. It keeps your hands busy and your mind focused on being creative…and being you! Here’s a post on hobbies with a list of different ones to try. It’s time to get creative and feel the goodness enter your heart.
Anger Management 101
I could end on that, but it’s important to reiterate that a ‘lack of understanding’ usually gets us upset in the first place. Why? Because we don’t understand! That’s why fights happen and judgments lash. We don’t know why people act the way they do, because we don’t live in their shoes. For all we know, they could be sick, have a chronic illness, be abused, have social issues, or be on drugs. And when we don’t know how to manage those things, a mess of emotions implodes and then explodes on others.
Find on Amazon
When we have anger about something, we usually want to do something about it. I’m not talking about anger towards a person when you want to lash out at them for saying something stupid, that’s a different post. The anger I’m referring to is about how we react to either ourselves or a cause that affects other people. Some call it anger, others call it passion. You can take it a step further and call it uniqueness. There is this great book by Matthew Barnett, “The Cause Within You”. I highly recommend this book to not only inspire your own life but to motivate how to help others. Super good! And your teen would love it and find it motivating.
Moving forward- mental health tips for teens
I’d have to say the majority of people try to ignore their mental state or try to numb it with something else like drugs, alcohol, shopping, or eating. You don’t need me to say those things just leads to other issues. You can also look at these things as signs that your teen is going through a tough season.
If you have tried some natural ways to manage mental health and it’s not helping, another route would be to find a therapist, a Christ-follower if possible. The only true healer and protector is Jesus. Your church would know of someone, or you can ask some friends. Be sure you straight-up ask them if they know Jesus, if they hesitate with their answer, walk out and find a new one. For more ideas, this post from Mental Health America is a good one! I hope this post about mental health tips for teens was helpful.
If you were to ask Mark Twain how to get motivated, he’d say this, “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” Getting started is probably the most difficult task ever. We know what we want to do, we can see where we want to go, but we don’t necessarily know how to start. In this post, I’m going to share with you the top three must-haves in how to get motivated to start anything.
Super important. Read this.
Before getting into the tips on how to get motivated, I want to address one thing. Fear. Fear can hold us back from…well…everything! The fear of failure is a big one. Unfortunately, our world measures success primarily based on money. So if the world saw you start a business and see that you didn’t make any money, then the world would say you failed. Not cool. However, the Bible says in Romans 12:2 to not conform to the pattern of this world but instead be transformed by the renewing of your mind, it is then you will be able to test and approve God’s will for you, his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
The Bible is truth, the world is broken. Your business that didn’t go the way you thought? Isn’t a failure at all. It showed the world that you had the courage to make something happen, you learned a tremendous amount about business, and you’re living a life without regrets; that is a whole lot of success that you can take with you where ever you go. Don’t be afraid to start anything, be afraid of not starting it. There are other ways to measure success and I encourage you to take a stronghold of these other ways, for if you only measure by money, you’re going to miss a whole lot of blessings. Read up on 5 Important Ways to Measure Success without Numbers.
4 Critical Tips to Start Anything
If you jumped to this spot without reading the two paragraphs above, back up, and please read them.
1. Have a plan
Of course, I was going to say that. If there is no plan, there is no map. When the map isn’t in front of our faces, we won’t know what direction we’re going in. We could be going in circles for all we know…which has happened to me. In fact, I was going so fast around the circle, that I actually thought I was going somewhere. This creates busyness, and we all know being busy can be a trap. With that said, you may want to check out how not to be busy and How Cookie Dough Gave Me Super Powers.
Take things one step at a time. The first step is to write everything down. I know your ideas are in your head, it’s time now to get them down on paper. For some of us, this might even be a scary thing to do. Draw pictures, and use details; it can be hard to transform information from your brain to paper, but at least we can see it now. Using a planner helps, especially if it probes questions and helps you organize. Being organized encourages your mind to get clearer on where you want to go. When your thoughts are down on paper, your idea becomes real. Now that’s really scary. But to move forward, it starts with paper and a pencil.
2. Get organized
As I mentioned before, how to get organized is a huge step in getting motivated. The next step is to take all those things you wrote down and organize them into categories or to-dos. Organizing your ideas, the steps you need to take, the research that needs to happen, and the tools you need to acquire are critical to your success. If we take things one step at a time, we won’t get overwhelmed and will stay motivated.
Lastly, break down these tasks into do-able steps. I know you’re going to want to go fast, but there is no sense in going fast if you don’t know what the heck you’re doing. Step by step. With each step, we get a little more confident in what we’re doing. And with more confidence, comes the next step, then the next, and so on. Get the free printable on goals at my Freebies.
Speaking of confidence. A lack of confidence can completely stop you in your tracks. We all struggle with confidence, it happens to the best of us, but what differentiates the ones to move on and the ones who go nowhere is getting back on the horse. Here are some tips on how to build self-esteem.
3. Seek encouragement – big one for how to get motivated!
“Gotta start somewhere” is a great weapon to protect you from judgment and to help you stay motivated. When you’re trying to describe your dream or idea to someone and they just don’t get it, you’re probably going to get some weird looks and unasked-for opinions. Remember this with your kids. When they come to you and say, “Hey Mom! I’ve got this great idea to make popcorn bowls out of my old basketballs!” If you want your child to come to ask for your opinion in the future, be wise in how you react. The idea may stinketh, but they need to figure that out on their own.
Lesson one: tell someone you trust, who will give you encouragement…more on this in a minute. Lesson two; don’t say a thing to someone who may bash your idea into liver pudding. Remember, if someone comes to you to share an idea, this person came to you, they feel safe with you. They are seeking a green light. No matter what the idea they tell you, give them a high-five or an “Oreo Cookie” response: say something good, then your constructive criticism, then something good again! Anyone who drums up the courage to tell someone something dear to their heart deserves encouragement.
Encouragement from inspirational quotes
Inspirational and motivational quotes can also give you encouragement. Here are some great ones I look to often:
Super important about encouragement…read this, please!
My ideas got hammered many times before I finally learned my valuable lesson of ‘pick who you share with’. I touched on this briefly above. The most hurting time was when I shared some ideas with someone I loved. You’d think that is the right person to share with, and sometimes it is, but those loved ones can be very critical. Parents, spouses, and best friends listen to me, please. You may think you’re helping, but you’re not. At this point, think before you speak, this isn’t your spotlight to steel with knowledge or ego, it isn’t a time to ask a million questions about how they’re going to do it, again, just be excited for them, let them have this moment and give them encouragement.
Getting worked up
The embarrassing time when I shared my idea was at a dinner party with my husband and his colleagues. Wrong time. I panicked really. Of course, at any work function, one of the questions people ask is, “Where do you work?” I should have known better and prepared for this. Why wouldn’t they ask? We’re all curious to know what people do and secretly compare our lives to theirs. We’re all guilty of that. In a weird way, this experience helped me know how to get motivated. Anyway…while we were sitting at the dinner table waiting for our salads, the butterflies started to flutter in my belly.
Here I was a stay-at-home mom who was trying to start a blog. I wanted to say something important like I’m launching a new product. Everyone else has these big fancy things they were doing. My blog was just starting out and I wasn’t too confident about it yet. My hands were getting sweaty as the person next to me told us what she did. These people have awesome jobs. Me? I had a hobby. And the annoying part of this experience was that it was loud in the restaurant so you had to yell for anyone to hear. Go figure.
“What do you do?“
Yikes! My turn. “I’m starting a new blog to help people go after their true dream in life and do more than exist.” At the time my blog was domorethanexist.com. From my answer, people just stared at me, which seemed like five minutes. Because no one said anything I felt like I had to explain myself. I should have stopped there. Not really knowing what I was saying I went on and fumbled, but tried to catch myself. Big “L” to the forehead.
When I was trying to explain the blog the expression on their faces made me feel so out of place like I had a bug on my face and they were trying to figure out if they should smack it or let it crawl in my mouth and choke me. All this was going through my head until I said my magic words “Gotta start somewhere, right?” All of a sudden, the bug jumped off my face and into their mouths, they couldn’t argue, they couldn’t judge. Those four words made all the difference, and who knows maybe they were jealous they weren’t in a position I was. Toast to that! Wipe to the brow.
Two quick lessons at the dinner party:
Know your pitch before you go to a dinner party
When you get that ‘bug on your face look’ use “Gotta start somewhere, right?”, they’ll simply nod their head and repeat, “Gotta start somewhere.” Try it, it’s funny.
Where do you get true encouragement?
Know who to go to.
This goes back to some of the things I just said. If you know the person you’re going to is going to be critical, don’t talk to that person. I know that’s going to be hard, because sometimes we have this weird emotional acceptance thing that goes something like this, “if Sally (the critical person) approves of my idea then it’s gotta be a good one. I’ll just keep asking her opinion on my ideas until I get a thumbs-up from her.” STOP IT! You’re playing the acceptance game, fold your hand and leave the table. If you continue to go to this person your self-esteem will tank.
The Bible.
The Bible is full of encouragement. In a weird way, the Bible is not dated, meaning God speaks to us individually through His words no matter what year it is. One verse may mean something one day, and then a year later that same verse may mean something totally different. He knows what you need to hear and when you need to hear it. You just have to be willing to read the pages. One of my favorite verses is Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid? (NIV).
Teachers, mentors, coaches, our kids.
Teachers are great encouragers, and so are mentors, coaches, and even your own children. Kids are pretty smart, they’re extremely observant. On a side note, just the other day, I was trying to figure out a new plugin for the website and it took me forever to figure it out, when in fact, I couldn’t get it to work. My son had asked how my day went and I told him I had wasted it on a plugin, but nothing got done. His response surprised me, “Mom, you didn’t waste your day, you learned what not to do!” I laughed, smiled, and said, “Right On! I needed to hear that. Thanks, Honey.”
Yourself.
If anyone can encourage you, it can be yourself. Gotta start somewhere. With that said, head over to my Freebies and download my top favorite affirmations. Depending on others to motivate you isn’t doing you any favors. How to self-motivate is a BIG bonus. Practice different ways that will teach you how to get motivated.
Random places.
get on Amazon
More sources of encouragement come from non-fiction books, YouTube videos of motivational speakers, stories from those TV talent shows, music, and even a stranger. When I first started out I got encouragement from Holley Gerth’s book, “You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream“. I still reference it today. So good!
4. How to get motivated? Tap into courage.
In 2008 I started blogging. I had no idea what I was doing or how to do it for that matter. Note the dinner party. All I knew was that I needed to start somewhere. In the various books, courses, and ‘how to blog’ posts I read over the years, I’ve noticed a common denominator; nothing happens until Courage is invited. I had to get the guts to try. “Gotta start somewhere” gives us permission to take a step forward, to try it on for a bit.
With courage, it’s important to understand who you are. If you don’t know who you are, knowing how to get motivated is going to be tough. What makes you tick? Where you want to go. To learn more about yourself you’re going to have to make time for yourself. Embrace “me time”. Here’s a post on 9 Easy Ways to Learn More about Yourself.
What is courage?
Courage is the moment in time when we take a step of faith not knowing what will come of it but we do it anyway. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” (NIV) Gotta start somewhere.
When we put ourselves out there, people are going to judge. The magical element of courage is that we don’t care what other people think, we have a vision and we’re going to try our hardest to see that vision become part of the big picture. When people watch, give them a show. Show them how to move forward, how to stand back up, and how to live in freedom.
Those bug-on-your-face looks are beaming with curiosity or maybe jealousy. Remember, everyone has their own opinion, and they are only opinions; it’s you who you need to believe in. Here are 5 Easy Ways to Build Courage & Confidence.
Wrapping up how to get motivated
I’m going to keep this to the point in a simple way. And if you skipped the whole post on how to get motivated, you might want to reconsider and go back and read, you may miss the blessing you need to hear to get motivated. In the meantime, here is the nutshell review:
Pray. Daily. In Jesus’s name. “Lord, light my fire within. What is my next step?”
Plan. Step by step.
Practice. Try your dream on, take it off, try it on again. Trust who you tell.
There is one last bonus idea that you can try to get motivated, and that is to dress the part. Simply put, play dress-up. How to get motivated? “Gotta start somewhere” isn’t just permission to try; it’s also to inspire others to do the same.
To measure success in this day and age it pretty much boils down to a number. Sales numbers, weight on the scale, pant size, steps walked, income, number of orders, miles ran, test results, and so forth. There is nothing wrong with measuring success by numbers, I personally love it, but numbers can also drive us batty. I’m here to tell you that numbers can lie from time to time (from a personal success standpoint, not as in lab results). I’ve got a HUGE question to ask you plus I’ll give you five amazing ways to measure your success without involving numbers.
Not long ago a friend ask me a few questions about my blog and she had a hard time of why I was pouring so much time and energy into it. The numbers threw her off. The conversation went something like this, “Christy, the numbers don’t make sense of why you are doing this. You can make a lot more money if you did something else.”
Can you relate?
If you get frustrated when people tell you things you already know…especially about the numbers, then I know you get it. If you get weird looks when you tell people you’re a stay-at-home mom, a full-time volunteer or you spend a lot of time on your hobby, then I’m sure you also get it…if not more so.
First off, there are times when we didn’t ask their opinion but they gave it to us anyway. This is where we graciously explain what we do and why we do it without getting defensive. In fact, if people do this there is most likely something stirring in their hearts that needs healing. Either way, this is when we swoop in and stick up for ourselves and honestly, yet kindheartedly, ‘shut them up’. Most importantly, it’s when we say, “I measure success differently, let me explain.”
My friend. What she said.
As I mentioned earlier I had to have this hard conversation the other day with a close friend. She was confused and even got a little heated…this, I can’t figure out…but I think it was out of a lack of understanding. She obviously measures success and happiness by numbers and numbers only. I love my dear friend and she knows that that’s why we can be brutally honest with each other.
Just so you know, she’s okay with me blogging about this conversation. And for the record, I’m not saying she is wrong in how she measures success but opening her mind to different ways of measuring broadened her perspective and even helped her in her line of work. The thing that bothered me most was the tone she used in talking to me. It was stern and serious like she was my boss or an investor. I felt like I was on Shark Tank being blasted by Mr. Wonderful. I certainly wasn’t asking her for anything. But I simply took a deep breath, reminded myself that my friend is trying to help me, and spoke from my heart.
When the heart comes out in words, things change. Throughout the conversation, she listened. She nodded her head, even cocked it at times. You could tell she was unraveling her confusion. The tone in her voice changed and she said, “I didn’t even look at it that way. I get it now.” I simply responded with, “Cool.”
What does your work provide?
When you lose sight and get stuck in the numbers game, to measure success by numbers and numbers only is eventually going to bite you. This is a time to remind yourself why you’re in this game. Rather than ask yourself what the numbers are telling you, a bigger question you should ask yourself is this: What does (whatever-you’re-working-on) provide for you? This is a HUGE question. And it’s how you look at it that determines your success.
5 ways to measure success
1. Outlet
Blogging provides me with an outlet. I’m the type of person who measures her day by what she created that day. Did I write a blog post? Did I create a social media post or inspiring quote picture? Did I work on my shop? Did I incorporate a new plug-in or fix a few things on the website? Another way, Did I help my son with something or make him laugh today? Did I try a new recipe? Things like that. Having an outlet to feed your creative beast is not only therapeutic but is a seriously good vitamin for mental health. My blog provides me with a place to bring my ideas to life, express my thoughts, and help others in the same boat. This is a success!
2. Voice
I come from a large family with a variety of personalities. If you happen to be the baby of the family, like myself, sometimes it can be hard to be heard. In large conversations, I have found that to be heard and listened to is like a battle. You need to fight for space. And even when you do get the soapbox you’re likely to get interrupted. Do you hear me? On the flip side, the pro of this family position is that I have become an excellent listener, which in some ways is more powerful than speaking. But when I have something important to say when people won’t let me have a voice, my blog gives me permission to speak without interruptions.
3. Purpose
Life purpose is something every human craves. We want to feel like we’re making a difference! My blog helps provide that purpose. Whether 500 people read my stuff or ten, I’m at least going beyond my walls and reaching out to the world. I’m at least taking the steps to do something I am passionate about. For instance, as I mentioned earlier, my blog gives me a platform. I’m passionate about helping people live simply and helping their kiddos enjoy the small stuff. I’m also passionate about our mental well-being. And I love to try and raise an independent child in a fun way. My blog allows me to fulfill those passions by writing about those topics…it gives me purpose.
4. Education
I can’t stress enough how much my blog has exercised my brain! There have been numerous programs I’ve had to learn to get to where I am today. Sure I could have paid someone to do it all, but what good is that if I don’t understand how it works or if I want to make a small change? I personally like to try things on my own first. If I can’t figure it out, then I’ll pass it on to someone else. Having my blog has kept my mind sharp and eager to learn. It’s exciting and it’s a confidence booster when you figure something out. Success! Is what you’re working on giving you a challenge?
5. Gratification
According to Merriam-Webster gratification is the act of pleasing oneself or of satisfying one’s desires. After a big week of working on my blog, I love looking back on the week and saying to myself “You did it, you figured it out Christy, and made it happen!” It’s so gratifying to see all your hard work put into action, kind of like mowing the lawn. Stepping back to see a job well done satisfies the soul and brings warmth to the heart.
Wrapping up how to measure success
Measure success by what your work provides for you. On that day I talked with my friend, I told her, “I know you like numbers, but numbers don’t always tell the truth about success. My blog provides invaluable benefits. It gives me an outlet to express my creative side, it provides me a safe place for my voice to be heard, it gives me a purpose to get out of bed every morning at 5:30 A.M., it exercises my brain and keeps me learning new things every day, and it satisfies my soul. So thank you for your concern about my numbers, but numbers do lie when it comes to this.”
Do not give up on your passion. Do not let anyone tell you to shut your doors because they don’t understand. Keep moving forward one step at a time. Your time will come when people will turn their heads to see what you’re up to. Shine your light the way you like to do it!
Take care friend,
Christy
Bonus: How to start a blog
Starting a blog can be overwhelming. There is so much information out there it’s hard to know where to turn. My suggestion is to check out my post on starting a blog. You can also start by writing blog posts right now in Word or in your journal.
Off-track? Want to know how to achieve goals for good? When our goals and declarations stutter to a stop, our proactive self immediately turns into a reactive being. We get into a vicious cycle of reacting to our circumstances instead of making things happen. I’m here to help you prevent that from happening. Learn my 4 repair tricks!
What ain’t gonna work
Forward is the right direction, no? As with anything in moving forward, it’s a lot easier to use a flashlight than to stumble in the dark. A key to knowing how to achieve goals is to understand what throws us off. What are your triggers and how do you defeat them?
Picture this; we start the year off strong. The first week we’re super motivated. The second week it gets a little harder. The third week something happens; we’re not sure what…but we veer off course; so much so we decide to set up camp. I’ve personally been there many times. Frankly, my old patterns are comfortable, they’re easy. But friend, there is something else I’ve learned; “comfortable” and “easy” ain’t gonna getcha where ya want ta go. So let’s learn more about what trips us up in the first place.
Here are the top stumbling blocks:
L = LIES we believe.
It’s too hard. Let’s face it, when things are hard ‘quitting’ comes to mind. This year quitting is not an option. Your goals need to be challenging, but they don’t need to be hard. There’s a difference. It’s called pace and workload. It’s too hard is a lie. Are you looking for an excuse to stop? When things get hard it is SO easy for us to quit. Here’s the thing, when you quit you’re on the verge of a breakthrough, and you just missed it because you gave up. Keep moving forward. When hard things are taken step by step it’s heck-of-a-lot easier to make things happen.
THE FIX: Break down your resolution and put a plan in place. Write down what you want to do every week, then every day, then every morning and evening. Get into a routine that helps you win. I don’t care how small the step is, you’re still moving forward. Make the day count. I created a mind map that will help you take things one step at a time. This is actually a great family activity to do; you’ll hold each other accountable!
A = ACTIONS WE DON’T TAKE.
There’s a lack of motivation. When I’m unmotivated I procrastinate. I wait until I FEEL like it. Well if I waited until I FELT like it all the time, nothing would move forward and I would have regrets. There are a couple of things I’m talking about. The first is to understand the purpose. Why must this get done? What space does it fill? What piece of my goal does this satisfy? The second is the FEEL part. This is a time when you pull up your bootstraps and put the emotions aside.
THE FIX: Ask yourself, “How am I going to feel when I get this done?” If your answer is ‘relief, amazing, good, a load off’, then that means it needs to happen…make it so. This is so incredibly good for your mental help and confidence.
Z = ZOMBIE GOALS.Sabotage #3
How to achieve goals is to have specific goals. The sabotage is that our goal is not specific. It’s like we’re walking around like zombies. Let’s say my resolution is to manage my finances better; I declare “I’m going to save money this year.” Then what? Ask yourself these questions: Who? What? When? Where? How? Who is going to help me? What changes am I going to do? When am I going to review these things? Where am I going to go if I need help? How am I going to succeed? When you have the answers to these questions you have a better view of how it’s going to happen.
THE FIX: be specific when writing your goals, something like this: “I’m going to review my cash flow and budget every Thursday after work.” To help you out in the goal department I created a printable that you can get for free. Head to my Freebies.
Y-YELLERS get our attention.
We get distracted. Distraction is a HUGE sabotage! When our focus isn’t on our end goal we flounder around in circles. Some people get stuck in this pattern and find it harder and harder to break free. To break through this twister, we must intentionally turn away from the distracting force and focus on what lies ahead. I read an article a few years ago about the power behind just seeing the word “FOCUS”; it said that it can mysteriously snap us back on track. It sounds crazy, but I tried it and it worked for me.
THE FIX: when you find yourself getting distracted, recognize what is happening and remove yourself from the distracting environment. Write the word “focus” and place it in areas where distractions linger.
And…there it is…how to achieve goals
If you haven’t quite figured it out yet, the acronym I used for goal sabotages was LAZY. Our goals fall short because we get lazy. Been there, done that! Another way to look at it is that you might say we get a “lazy eye”, not physically, but mentally. We lose sight of our WHY, why am I doing this anyway, we might ask.
The word “lazy” means: unwilling to work or use energy. Talk about a knife in the wound. Lazy isn’t a bad word, especially on your day off. But it can be used against you in all other states of affairs.
My perspective about personal goals and resolutions is this: no one is going to do it for you. If you want it, YOU have to go get it. Staying reactive to things in life isn’t life, that’s existence…you just exist. But when you use your knowledge, resources, talents, strength, and creativity to go after your own goals…that’s not only productive, that’s doing more than existing.
Take things step-by-step, check your motivation, use specifics when setting goals, and FOCUS. May you be filled with dreams, plans, and amazing goals for your soul.
When it comes to learning how to relax there are a few things one must do to achieve a peaceful relaxed state. If there is one thing that can mess with our minds when we’re trying to relax its guilt. To feel guilty because we are taking a break can absolutely ruin our efforts in relaxing. Why? Because “busy” is the norm in this day and age. “Busy” is acceptable and at times “busy” is how we measure our days. Let’s give permission for our mind and body to let go and loosen the tension.
What does busy mean anyway?
Why would we need a definition of busy? Because it helps us understand if we really are busy. Merriam-Webster Dictionary says ‘busy’ is: engaged in action, occupied. My definition of ‘busy’ is this: ‘Busy’ is yearning to do things you want to do without having the time to do them. The difference between the two definitions is this: when I’m ‘engaged in action’ with an activity I want to do, I’m not ‘busy’, but when I want to do something I can’t because of running errands, etc, then I am ‘busy’. You might need to read that again to let it sink in. Where do you lay right now with ‘busy’?
How to relax?
How do we relax so we have the freedom to work on the things that bring purpose into our lives? Or on the flip-side, how do we not think about anything and just be?
Men are pretty good at being able to turn their minds off. My husband and I will be having coffee, talking right along then five minutes of silence go by. I ask my husband what he’s thinking; and he says, “Nothing”. Seriously? Mark Gungor, author, and motivational speaker has an excellent and hilarious way of describing the differences between men’s and women’s minds. For instance, men have this thing called the ‘Nothing Box’. I mean, what the heck is that? You can watch it here; so funny yet true.
5 essential tips for us ladies to learn how to relax
But how do we ladies go about finding relaxation when so much pressure is put on us daily and even socially?
1. Change environments
Escape from the environment that is causing you to constantly think of your to-do list or the problem you’re facing. For instance, I need to step away from the house. Because I’m a stay-at-home mom I live in my work. So when I’m at my house it’s natural for me to always have a project. For short-term results, I’ll go to my favorite store and wonder. I didn’t say buy stuff, just window shop. For long-term effects, we get out of town; and for my family that means camping.
If you’re stuck inside there are a few things you can do to escape. You can find a space that is only yours; a closet works, the laundry room, even a corner space that says you. Make this space a place for your soul to regenerate. Get some amazing wall art and lose yourself in the picture, find inspirational quotes or scripture and post them on the wall, decorate with string lights, put splashes of your favorite colors throughout, and be sure to have something cozy. Make this a space you can’t wait to escape to.
2. Write things out, this is how.
Writing all the crud or to-do list down on paper can lessen the power it has in your mind. When it’s on paper, it makes something that was a big deal in our minds, easier to digest. We, humans, tend to let our minds get away from us. I personally enjoy taking a clean sheet of copy paper, grabbing a pencil, and drawing a circle. From the circle, I create branches of all the things I’m thinking about, then I break those branches into smaller doable bites. A journal works too.
Speaking of journaling. Writing freely helps too. Ask yourself thought-provoking questions that can get to the meat of the busyness. Here are some great questions to get you started.
Buy on Amazon
3. Converse with God
Talking with God helps to release the chains and give them to Him. Did you catch what I said? “Talking with God, not at Him or to Him, but with, like a friend talks with a friend. He wants a relationship with you, he wants to hear your side of the story, and he wants to help you. All you need to do is talk with Him.
For instance, I escape to my favorite walking place and pray while I’m walking. For me, hearing my voice speak rather than trying to sort it all out in my mind helps me focus on the conversation. Then I stop talking and just listen; this gives me a breather and a chance for God to breathe into me. I enjoy Jesus Calling as a nice devotional to help hear His voice.
4. Watch a good show, read a book, or listen to instrumental music
Buy on Amazon
When we are entertained it gives us time to relax and just be. It’s a chance we get to wander out of our reality and into a story. Whether it’s a good movie or book, get the comfy clothes on and kindly alert the family to not interrupt your time.
Here’s a tip, be picky of what you put in your brain. If you’re looking to just feel good and float on a cloud, don’t choose The Silence of the Lambs; maybe try La La Land, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, or Steel Magnolias. Ask yourself what you want to get out of a show before you start channel-flipping. And yes, it’s true, what you put in your mind affects how you think, and how you think affects how you act. Be careful of what you put in your mind, you could be inviting darkness in.
Instrumental music is an extremely effective way to relax. Find a track you enjoy. When I get stressed I turn to Soaking in His Presence by William Augusto. He does such a great job of putting me in the right frame of mind. This music is also amazing to pray with. Love it!
5. Create
Buy on Amazon
Creativity gets your mind off the stress and into a relaxed state of being. Entrepreneur.com has a great article on the benefits of putting our creativity to use. There are scientific studies on how it can reduce stress. Psychologist, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, says that when you “lose yourself” in the composition of a song (creating)…, you are essentially entering a healthy flow state. No wonder I feel so great after I create something. Try experimenting in the kitchen, rearrange your furniture, color, sew a baby quilt, and create a playlist…we all have creative abilities. Tap into your creativity and make it a hobby.
In conclusion
There are other obvious tips to relax like taking a hot bath, getting a massage, taking your time in sipping a fancy coffee, or watching the birds, my last bonus tip is to set boundaries for yourself and those around you. Don’t let others steal your relax time, protect it with all your might. If you’re at the coffee shop and there is an annoying person by you, get up and move.
I challenge you to tap into at least two of the above suggestions this week to relax. Ask yourself what do I need to let go of to give myself the time I need? Know how to slow down and be less busy so you can be your best!
Anger management tips are not fun words, but words to take seriously. If someone tells you that you have anger issues, they are… unfortunately…probably on to something. So how do we control our tempers before they erupt? I have three simple ways to turn our lion into a lamb.
Anger comes to the party
Let’s start this off with a good old definition of what anger is. According to Dictionary, anger is a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility. Did someone come to mind when you read that definition? Childhood foe? Co-worker? If not, then this person could be you! Anyway…
It seems that every January starts with an unexpected visit from a lion who sets up camp. This wasn’t one of those sleepy lions, this cat was roaring. A New Year, a fresh start, and WHAM, my 2019 was faced with my first of many challenging days. This is 2019, I’m not talking about 2020, or even 2021!
My anger management was being tested and I was on the verge of taking the gloves off. Normally, if it were just one issue I would handle it pretty well, but anger-hungry events kept happening. As I look back at this year, I feel it prepared me for the years to come. So how can we transform a lion into a lamb? I have a few anger management tips that will work and have you laying in green pastures!
What’s up with Diet Coke?
Let me give you a taste of how January 2019 went along. Below-freezing temperatures hit our area, we had no school for eight days in one month! On one of those days my son and I were chatting on the couch when suddenly we heard an explosion from the garage, “What was that?”. My mind quickly questioned ‘Was someone breaking in? Where was the gas can? Did a tire pop? Was that a gun?’ As we peered, ever so slowly, into the garage we were welcomed with a light brownish slush on our screen door. The garage smelled a little sweet. Hmm. As I turned the light on, my eyes widened at the car, garage ceiling, recycle bins, and even our boots. This brownish, familiar smell, stuff had exploded everywhere. Yep, I guess that’s what happens to a 2-liter of Diet Coke when it freezes.
The test
It was at that moment I decided to practice my reaction to this roar, “All you can do is clean up the mess. Just do it and move on. Getting mad is not going to fix it.” I shut the door and stood there for a second. “At least it’s frozen”, I said to my son. I grabbed my stocking hat, tightened my scarf, and went to work.
Later that afternoon I was craving a Diet Coke slushie. After I went through the car wash I went to the store and got one. The funny thing was as I backed out of my parking spot, someone else backed up too…we met in the middle…crunch; hmm. My soul took a deep breath in and out, and my inner voice said, “Okay Christy. No one was hurt. There is no car damage. These things happen. Learn from this, and then move on.” This is just one example of one day I had that January.
Anger Management Tips from Lion to Lamb
Even though January was a bit rough, in hindsight, I’m actually glad it all happened. It’s usually through the bad stuff where we grow the most, no? The salty season reminded me that I have values and morals. I have goals. And I have a family who loves me after a bad day…month…LOL. But that’s not all this lion-of-a-month taught me. He taught me how to transform him into a lamb.
Every week was peppered with dire events: work difficulties, health issues, relationship misunderstandings, car problems, communication predicaments, extreme weather conditions, and big decisions to name the least. I regularly thought about the superstition that bad things happen in threes, but there were more than three! “What’s going on?” It kind of felt like I was in a boxing ring dodging punches; then I’d get an uppercut to the gut and a hook to the nose. My opponent would then roar like a lion and stand over my body. Okay, maybe not that intense, but I needed to fight back with class.
Tip 1 – Name the Lion
The first trick to fighting the urge to blow your top is to notice it. Identify it.Give the feeling a name: Doubt, Insecurity, Frustration, Unfairness, Confusion, or whatever it is. No one likes to call these out, but it helps to pinpoint the issue. What exactly are you upset about? Are you mad at a person or are you upset about this person’s behavior? Do you have chronic physical pain? Are you sick and exhausted? Is your work stressing you out? Feeling overwhelmed? Family drama?
Pay attention to what is going on around you, not to sulk in your despair, but to put a stop to it! What exactly is happening? Why is it affecting you so much? Can you name it? In my instance in this particular case, it had been cloudy for weeks, sickness everywhere, bills coming in, and goals were strapped for time. On the not-so-obvious note, my hormones were haywire, my values were compromised, and people-pleasing got the best of me. But when I named why I was getting angry, I could then fight back with the right punches.
Anger Management Tip 2 – Focus
The second tip to anger management is knowing the pace. The frequency of these downers was happening one right after the other. My thinking immediately shifted from rolling it off my back to what was coming next? This can be looked at as a good thing and a bad one. The good help with being alert, ready to act, and prepared for the not-so-fun. The bad taints perspective. It’s like we’re looking for the grim so we see the grim. Here’s the trick with the good and the bad: what you focus on is what you’ll see the most of, pace yourself.
3 – Skill. Train the Lion
When it comes to anger management tips, this tip is like a tip on steroids. Skill in managing your emotions is a must, and yes, it is a skill! How are we handling the situation? This skill needs to be continuously worked on. My awareness of how I managed these troubles became clear to me. Some I did well with, others…um…I could have done better. I don’t like to admit I blew some things out of proportion, but gosh, it happens to all of us. So how do we train and master the skill of anger management?
Here are 7 techniques:
Understand the triggers. Have a plan of how you’d like to react. Play it over in your head and practice.
Use this opportunity to better yourself, not to hurt others, but to strengthen your character. Get to know who you are.
Flip the switch and focus on the good things. Seriously write down or discuss at the dinner table what good things happened that day.
Turn to God. He might be trying to get your attention or even protecting you from something worse. Yes, spiritual warfare happens. Fight off the Enemy with God’s armor, Ephesians 6:13-17. It also helps to call the enemy out on it, “STOP! Away from me!” Jesus did, why wouldn’t it work for us? Ask Jesus to help you.
If you don’t have someone you can trust to vent to, write in a journal. Get it out.
Give your mind a break and your body a good sweat. Exercise helps your brain be more creative and it kicks in your problem-solving skills. Not to mention, exercise helps relieve stress. Here are 10 Breakthrough Tips on how to reduce stress in your life.
Distract your thoughts. Again, get your mind on something else that keeps you busy for a while. It gives you time to regroup.
Practicing these training techniques over and over again will help us see lions as lambs. Give’r a try and keep moving forward.
Ironically, during the latter half of the month, my husband heard on the radio that the third Monday in January is called “Blue Monday”. Apparently, a university professor used a formula to calculate the most depressing day of the year. WHAT?! The date was calculated by these factors: poor weather, debt level, post-Christmas blaa, time since failing our New Year’s resolutions, and low motivation levels. You can see the formula here. After my husband told me that news I felt SO MUCH BETTER! Light bulb moment here: I wasn’t alone. And maybe that’s all we need to know when going through a lion season…we’re not alone.
In conclusion: anger management tips
Anger management may be kind of embarrassing, but taking the steps to know how to handle the triggers will not only help you have more peace in life, but it’s also better for your heart, relationships, and self-confidence. These tips are to be practiced over and over again, so that next time a challenging and tempting situation comes up, you’ll know just what to do to keep your cool. Keep moving forward and pay attention to what sets you off.
Let me help you to know how to be less busy by avoiding this one mistake people make. But before I do, can you relate? Every year I say to myself, “I can handle May and June; “busy” won’t overtake me. I’m prepared for it.” But when that time hits all the neat and tidy thoughts explode into chaos. Seriously! What am I doing wrong? The answer to this question is not what I’m doing right or wrong, the answer sits before my action.
Is being busy good or bad?
Some people see “busy” as a badge, some see it as a heavyweight. And if you’re like me, I actually like to be busy… it’s fun for me…most of the time. But in May and June, it’s no joke; I am too busy to enjoy ‘busy’. Sometimes I feel like someone should slap me in the face and say, “Get a hold of yourself Christy!” There are probably a lot of personal issues going on in this paragraph, but that’s a different post.
Since the 2019-2022 pandemic working from home became the norm. Balancing work and parenting, let alone, being a pet parent was super challenging! If was tough knowing how to manage our time. We need to pay the bills, yet we want healthy family relations.
If busyness goes into the supper and evening hours and keeps you from having daily family time, then you may want to address your schedule; especially if you have little kiddos running around. Your health and well-being are also a top priority. If your body is reacting to the pace of life in a bad way, then back off on the busyness. Other than that, being busy is good for your sanity, it helps strengthen brainpower (got to be on your toes), and it helps you have greater self-confidence (use those talents and abilities you have!).
What causes us to be busy?
Right now I’m supposed to tell you that I choose to live in the moment. I am skipping down the sidewalk smelling the lilacs, singing the words Carpe Diem, and hosting a butterfly on my shoulder. Yeah, that’s…not…happening. Yes I want to smell the lilacs, yes I want to change the world, yes I want to love on my family, and yes I want to get things done for the church, the community, my job, the school fundraisers…yes, yes, yes! Um…hmm…so…this is when you see me draw circles in the dirt with my toe. Yep. I just realized what’s been happening. “Yes.”
It’s my fault I’m busy. My expectations and the make-believe expectations others have for me weaken my stance. The answer to ‘what am I doing wrong’ sits on one of two words: YES or NO. I need to pick one when someone asks me something. More importantly, I need to pick one when I ask myself something.
#1 Mistake People Make
The chaotic feeling and the stressful outbursts happen due to your personal values not lining up. Values? According to Dictionary.com, values are a person’s principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life. Let me ask you this, do you know what your values are? Have you ever really thought about it?
If we want to be true to ourselves, values hold a lot of weight. So check this out, if people could use their values as a guide to their ‘yes’ or ‘no’, as a gauge of how they are managing their time, then life would be so much more enjoyable, don’t cha think? Isn’t that what we’re after? Joy? Then why is it so hard to use our values? Why have I collapsed over and over again? Because I FORGOT to use my values to hold me up. I forgot! This was my #1 mistake! I needed to know more about myself.
If you were a knight geared up for battle, what piece of equipment protects you from arrows? What piece of equipment gives you a little more confidence when running towards the battlefield? Do you remember that scene in the movie 300 when all the soldiers used their shields to protect themselves? That’s what values do. Values are shields.
Wrapping up how to be less busy
I wrote this post to remind you to not lose sight of your values; and to put your values in front of your YES or NO. And to not forget the power and protection that values hold. Young eyes are watching you, show them how to live a happy life.
Head to my Freebies for a Personal Values Exercise to help you define your values. This is one of the BEST exercises you can do for yourself. It’s actually really fun! Download it now in Freebies.
As the world continues to get faster and noisier, the more important it is to enjoy the silence. Why? Learn how to reap the rewards of your ‘silence’ to feed your mental health and experience peace in this loud world. Embrace these 4 rock-solid reasons to enjoy the silence.
Silent Night, Holy Night, All is calm, all is bright.
Silent Night, the Christmas song, was composed in 1818. This now-traditional Holiday tune debuted all because of an organ…that broke. Without the help of an ill organ who knows if this song would have surfaced; oddly, silence accelerated its success.
How does silence help your success?
Recently I saw a commercial, not sure what it was selling, but it did leave me wondering what ‘peace’ really was. In the commercial, we see a couple who left the big city to go camping in the woods. Due to their over joyous accomplishment of setting up camp, they were obviously seeking serenity. However, when night fell and all was calm, they were restless and frustrated. Then one of them downloaded a ‘noise app’ on their phone. It played cars honking, emergency sirens blaring, and dogs barking…all was ‘calm’ and they instantly fell asleep. What is ‘your silence’?
Our ‘silent night’ is not only where our souls settle down, but it’s where peace waits and where ideas birth. Outside of bedtime, do you intentionally turn off the NOISE?
4 Solid Reasons to enjoy the silence
1. Hearing from God
The most likely time God is going to talk to us is when we’re relaxed…quiet…still…and alone. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, did this all the time! Why wouldn’t we? But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke 5:16 If you haven’t gotten a daily devotional yet for this year, it’s never too late. One of my favorites is Jesus Calling.
2. Creativity
Inc. Magazine says…awesome creative work can be achieved by shutting out the outside world, whilst you insanely focus on your craft. Do you say you’re not creative? That’s not true! My go-to for taking my mind off things is to put my colored pencils to work and get my hands busy. Develop your hobby and reap the rewards. Here is a fun and soothing adult coloring book to get you started: The Psalms in Color.
To get all the benefits of silence and creativity, not to mention getting outside, take up gardening or walking…without the earbuds. Did you know that nature can enhance your creativity and problem-solving skills?
3. Problem-solving
Turning off the noise slows our thoughts. We can then think through our issues without distraction. The phrase “Sleep on it” makes a lot of sense now. There is truth in ‘sleeping on it’; not only does it help us think through things, but it restores our bodies, and reduces stress. One of the key tools I use to fall asleep and stay asleep is my white noise machine. Our family has 4 of these amazing things! Seriously, this is a game-changer and has improved all of our sleep and sanity.
4. Restoration in health
Huffington Post reports, Researchers found that two hours of silence daily led to the development of new cells in the hippocampus, a key brain region associated with learning, memory,and emotion. If you can’t get complete silence, the white noise machine I mentioned above is a great alternative. It helps drown out the distractions with little noises. Again, I LOVE this tool!
The Power in Silent Night
In the dancing noises of our world many of us, unfortunately, will miss these life-enhancing riches. We’ll wander in the racket and wonder why our prayer hasn’t been answered, why this particular problem still lingers, why we feel like we just exist, and why our bodies hurt all the time.
Josef Mohr, author of Silent Night, pondered on what to do about his broken organ. Christmas Eve was the next day, people are expecting music! So he hiked up a hill.
It was there where he looked down at the snow-covered village where he could be in ‘his silence’. It was there that he gained the courage to create his poem into a legendary song.
“The trees, the flowers, the plants grow in silence; the stars, the sun, the moon move in silence. Silence gives us a new perspective.”
Mother Teresa
Enjoy the silence recap
The next day, Christmas Eve, Josef approached his organist, Franz Xaver Gruber, and within 3 hours Franz composed the melody via guitar. Silent Night has been sung ever since. Are you making an effort to be in silence every day, ‘hiking up a hill’ to get a glimpse of the big picture?
“Silence” grows, moves, and it gives. How much is ‘your silence’ worth? Recharge by spending some time in silence. You might be surprised at what you hear.
How to live a drama free life sounds dreamy. But in a world that is dominated by drama; pandemics, racial injustice, a shaky economy, broken homes, and anxiety-filled minds, how do we navigate through all this? Right now is a great time to pull out your secret weapon to fight drama and kick it to the curb. Learn how to access your boxing gloves and how to use them effectively every day. You’ll be surprised how much simpler life gets and more enjoyable.
Mental breakdown
If you look at what’s on TV, YouTube, and in theaters, you wouldn’t be surprised by the health of our world. The shows these days are negative, scary, or full of things I don’t even want to see. Call me old-fashion, but for my mental state of being, I already have a bunch of stuff going on in my head and prefer to put positive things into it. With our daily dose of drama from our kids, spouse, extended family, and even ourselves things can build up and break down. What do we do? First and foremost, say “no” to drugs. I know that sounds funny, but seriously. We can achieve peace without the added side effects.
My go-to for cleaning my head out
When there is too much going on in my head I usually grab a piece of copy paper and write down ALL the things on my mind and categorize them in different departments. This is the first step to a drama-free life. Just do it. Don’t give me or yourself excuses of why you can’t take five minutes and write things out. By doing this, it gives you a visual of what you have going on in there, plus you can strategize on how to tackle it. This technique usually does the trick, but sometimes the unsettledness lingers.
My enlightenment to a drama-free life, who knew?
As I was listening to my daily devotional, the pastor talked about something that helped explain why I was feeling so overwhelmed. It was something I didn’t think of and that’s what I want to share with you.
Personal values do what?
Did you ever think personal values had a role in our serenity? I used to think personal values were like jewels in a black velvet bag; you learn them when you’re young and then carry them around with you. BUT don’t you dare get them out and use them because they’re valuable. Did I sure have that backward.
It had been a while since I opened my bag of personal values. Let’s face it, I’m an adult, and values are taught when we are children, right? Not so, those are morals. Morals are beliefs that are taught to us. Think of morals as “acceptable” acts. Parents usually teach morals to help a child determine what is right and wrong. Personal values come from within; they define what is important to us and help us make the right decisions that align with our hearts. When personal values are used correctly we ultimately experience happiness with our decisions.
Ahem. There is no better time than now to review your personal values. For me and Mr. Silent Chaos, my personal values had to intervene to save the day, along with some Bible verses of course. When our values align with our decisions, life is SO much easier and happier.
Free Download from Simplify Firefly
How could something so simple have such a big impact?
The first month of the year or around your birthday is a GREAT time to revisit your values. And that’s what I did on my birthday, I took a minute and grabbed my values exercise, and reviewed what I wrote down as my core values. During the exercise, I realized some values had changed and that was probably one of the causes of drama. When we understand WHY we’re making certain decisions, we understand ourselves better and can move forward by making the right decision for our sanity.
After my values exercise, my mind felt clearer and cleaner. It felt like getting new running shoes, I was ready to run for hours on end. At this point, I could now go back and look at my paper where I wrote everything down and organize it according to my values.
If you’re at a point where ‘simplifying your life’ sounds like heaven, then sharpen your pencil. Drama isn’t welcome in my home anymore. In fact, if I can keep myself in line with my values and speak God’s word, then the enemy doesn’t have a foothold on me. Fight back with what the Lord put in you, and use your personal values.
“If you watch your life, you’ll be amazed at how many times a week Satan launches an attack against you for the sole purpose of stealing your peace. When I finally saw that, God said to me in my spirit, “Joyce, if the devil wants your peace that badly, then there must be something pretty powerful about being peaceful.”
How to get unstuck in life? Do you feel like you’re going nowhere? Are things not going your way? I get it. It’s a frustrating season to be in. With that said, let’s get a game plan to know how to navigate through these tough times. I’ve got five essential tools you’re going to want in your back pocket. Plus, read about my personal experience that wraps this all together. Let’s break free and keep moving forward.
Where I got stuck
In the autumn of 1998, I took a mountaineering class near Vail, Colorado. I felt lost in life and wanted to get back to nature to get a fresh perspective and restart. To say simply, I was seeking clarity in life. Being a young adult, I had the time to head to the mountains and take a breather; in a surprising way, I found a piece of my puzzle that helped me move forward.
My group consisted of eight people. The dynamics were a bit of a mishmash…many personalities and many opinions. As you know, this can make it very difficult in any situation. Survival tasks weren’t easy. We weren’t in cozy cabins with a coffeemaker. We had tarps to sleep under, water filter tablets, and food rations. Yes, I signed up for this!
A few challenges we embarked on were rock climbing, summiting a 12,500 ft. peak, learning how to identify a storm, experiencing solo time for two days, and knowing how to do search n’ rescue. All great stuff when you’re with the right people. It’s crazy how people can affect an experience and change its whole vibe.
On this particular day, our task was to follow a topographical map and use a compass to get to the next camp. Sounds simple, yet it was to be done without our guide and not follow a trail. According to our instructors, it was a six-hour trip. Easy peasy.
We got this, right?
The day started crisp yet sunny, things were looking good; the challenging aspect of this task was to follow the leader. You see, each person had to take a turn to lead the group. We had to follow their direction; needless to say, it was a mess.
Let me reiterate; being stuck in life isn’t all about our circumstances. Another factor that contributes to our situation is knowing WHO is around us. People matter. Are you around toxic people or encouraging and loving people? On this day, our instructors should have added a rule for everyone to shut their mouths! After six hours into our trek, the sky began to darken. A bit of panic settled into some folks, including me. We knew what was coming, we just didn’t know how powerful it would be.
Within minutes rain, hail, and wind pounded our bodies. It felt like the heavens opened up and barfed on us. We thought about quitting; yet, the risk of getting hyperthermic was high, and stopping would put us in danger. Our backpacks felt like cinder blocks and our boots were filled with water. We felt stuck. Exhausted from arguments, weather, and complaining, we wanted to signal our guides to find us…to give up.
Stuck and the power of the mind
Listen up friend; the mind is a powerhouse, meaning, when you feed the mind with doom and gloom, you’re going to get what you put into it. We were not in a good place. Yet, we didn’t want to give up. How were we going to change our attitude to keep moving forward? Someone knew what had to change.
This is how we got unstuck
Out of nowhere, someone yelled, “Come on Nina, hot drinks. Christy, dry socks. Seth, spaghetti!” That person was a genius. He rocked us from ‘stuck’ to ‘moving forward’; and all it took was a little visionary picture. We pictured ourselves eating a warm meal, sipping hot tea, and wearing dry socks. As we continued to hike, we kept talking about how good the spaghetti was going to taste and how cozy our feet would be in warm dry socks. This picture naturally encouraged us. Our attitudes shifted. We got along, laughed, and grew stronger. Our goal of being cozy became a reality within two hours.
5 essential tools how to get unstuck in life
The backpacking trip is a small example of what a new picture (vision) can do. Having a forward-thinking picture of our future is one of the keys to surviving in this complicated world, most importantly, through our personal storms.
1. Focus
Get focused.
Take a few minutes each day and think “big picture”. How are your decisions today going to affect tomorrow; and who will those decisions impact? Got down and journal what you want your future to look like and who is in that picture. Play around with ideas on how you’re going to get there.
2. Pray
Pray about where you are right now and where you want to go. Prayer is a very powerful tool that can change things. Prayer heals and it protects. When we are vulnerable, we need to be on alert. To rephrase, the Enemy has a hay day with our thoughts, attitudes, and who knows what else. Please, stand firm in Christ. I have a post on Spiritual Warfare you might want to check out.
Ask God to help you align with His will and to help you have perseverance.
3. Know your personal values
Line your vision up with your values, passions, and strengths. Personal values play a huge role in managing stress. Joy and confidence will fill us if our personal values align with our decisions. Be sure to check out: How to Reduce Stress in Your Life: 10 Breakthrough Tips
Ask yourself these questions: What is important to me? What do I love to do? What would be the best day ever? Values play such a big role in our happiness; pay attention to how you’re using them. To learn more about your personal values and to know what they are, I have a free exercise in Freebies.
4. Talk
Talk with someone who understands your big picture or what you’re aiming for. This is huge. Just talking with someone who genuinely listens and asks the right questions can be a game-changer. Certainly, do your homework before calling from a Google search. Simply, find a professional who you trust. Ask your church or a friend you trust.
5. Get creative
In times of how to get unstuck in life, get your hands busy and start crafting up a vision board. I personally like to call them a “Big Picture Board”. Put pictures with what you want to pursue to make it achievable and motivating. There is power in ‘seeing is believing. There is a free guide to making your Big Picture Board (vision board) in my Freebies.
Check out my purposeful printables and more at my Shop!
Wrapping up how to get unstuck in life
Daniel Harkavy says, “Vision defines what you stand for, why you exist, and who you will become.” Having vision in a storm will make you stronger, wiser, and clearer about how to move forward.
This isn’t new news friends. Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 5:19 to not put out the Spirit’s fire. Vision is bringing the picture out of our minds and experiencing it with our senses. The first step to how to get unstuck in life is to know you are stuck. The second is to want to get unstuck, this is where creating a vision for your future steps in and moves you forward. Know what you’re going after and envision it happening.
