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“Who am I? I’m just a ‘blob’ of flesh and bone; somehow my heart beats and I breathe without thinking… I just exist.” This profound thinking surfaced when I was 14 years old. I was lying on my top bunk staring at a Superman poster tacked to my ceiling, “What brings life to this body?”
My mind journeyed to a place far from me…not Krypton…but maybe close to it.
Little did I know in five years my veins would be filled with a spirit of adventure, courage, and identity…but getting there would be a challenge.
Throughout my high school years I continued to think about ‘the blob’; I just existed and I wasn’t sure how to bring ‘life’ to my life. My confidence was low because I didn’t know how to become myself, which left me vulnerable to being put into a mold by others.
I liked the pattern at first, but after realizing what it was doing to me I didn’t want it anymore. The mold made me believe I had to be like everyone else in order to be somebody. I felt stuck. This happens to many teenagers. What differentiates us from others is having the courage to break free from what is holding us back to be ourselves.
For me breaking free wasn’t an elegant transition. It was my freshman year at a small college; I made a stupid decision and completely humiliated myself. I had broken my dominate arm and tore the ligaments in my foot… doing something I should not have been doing. I’m still embarrassed to this day of what happened; but a few years after that idiotic decision, I was weirdly thankful it.
At the time of ‘the incident’ I remember looking at my life and realizing I wasn’t happy. I had acted out of the mold people put me in. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the ‘blob’ I saw in the mirror and I didn’t like the path my life was on.
I prayed asking how I could change.
Days later I realized, if I don’t do something about my unhappiness, no one will do it for me. So, I did something. I got the courage to make a bold move…literally.
For me to learn more of who I am and who I wanted to become I needed to remove myself from the “molders”.
‘The blob’ no longer existed. I experienced adventure, self-discovery, and confidence. And most importantly, I became someone I loved.
If that foolish incident never happened, who knows if I would have ever gotten the ‘wake-up’ call? I’m not saying its okay to make dumb decisions; I’m saying that if you do… pay attention to why you did it.
By CT Copyright © 2016 More Than Existence All Rights Reserved.
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