“You let this little thing tell you what to do?” – Diana (Wonder Woman)
Tears streamed down my cheeks. “Dear God, how am I going to do this? I have too much going on…too many hats to wear: Christmas shopper, decorator, home manager, wife, mom, personal banker, blogger, volunteer, and now a student?”
I enjoy these many hats, I really do! But this December I got carried away. I had a hard time sleeping, completing a thought, and taking care of my own physical ailments. I felt like I just existed. Don’t get me wrong it had its fun times with family and friends; but there were challenging, brain-draining, and humbling realities scattered throughout the month.
Wonder Woman Activate
During the second full week in December, my expectations for myself were stupidly unrealistic. Not only did I have the usual Christmas preparations and home duties, but I started an online class! WHAT? “Wonder Woman Activate!” I would say to myself. “Wonder Woman Activate!” I pictured this tall, confident, strong woman with fists on hips seamlessly do everything with a smile and wind blowing through her hair.
“Wonder Woman Activate! I can do this.” Then out of nowhere, a hawk landed on the back deck. Was this a sign? BARK! Bark, bark, bark! My dog saw the hawk… I snapped out of my dream. There I stood looking outside. My eyes stung. My arms crossed. And a golf ball size knot grew in the nook of my neck.
“Wonder Woman Active”, came out of my mouth like a broken record. My mantra did not work.
I found myself on my knees. My dog looked at me and knew what was ahead, annnnnd…yup…there it is.
Tears streamed down my cheeks. I stretched my neck from side to side and bowed my head with fingers intertwined, “Dear God. Help. Help me manage all this.” After a few minutes of “sob-fest”, I sat there on my knees. It felt good to take a breather. Real good. So I gave myself a time-out. I stood up and walked to the kitchen. My praying hands unfolded and tied the strings to my apron. A deep breath filled my lungs as I closed my eyes to envision my ‘go-to’ recipe… Christy’s Chocolate Chip Cookies.
As my hands got busy, my tangled world loosened up just enough to welcome in some wandering. A heaping cup of flour, a pinch of salt, and a few hardy shakes of cinnamon were ready to be mixed. The beaters spun. My brain zoned in on the mesmerizing hand mixer. The hum of the beaters, the swirl of the dough, and the smell of sweetness filled my senses. Then it was as if time clicked into slo-mo. Thunk-a, thunk-a, thunk-a. Each beater spun with poise. Each beater focused on the job. Together they mixed the ingredients with accuracy. I watched them work. Thunk-a, thunk-a, thunk-a. Wait for a second…I watched them work. All of a sudden I was back in the Hall of Justice! This time I wasn’t looking to utilize the powers of Wonder Woman, but of the Wonder TWINS!
My “Wonder Woman Activate” affirmation was wrong. I laughed out loud about my realization, my confusion. Let’s try this: “Wonder TWINS Activate!”
I quickly found a picture online of the Wonder Twins. Oh my gosh! Remember Gleek the monkey? Zan and Jayna’s purple bodysuits? Whoa…I have Jayna’s same haircut!
While cleaning the cookie dough bowl…with my finger…I still laughed about the superhero mix-up. As I detached the infamous dough-draped beaters my thoughts went back to my reality. What was I trying to prove with this juggling of hats? That I could do it all? That I could be that strong woman who holds everything together?
A blow to the gut
For one last lick, I swiped my finger in the umbrella of the beater. As I was enjoying the flavors I felt a brick hit my stomach, not because of the raw cookie dough, but because I understood my madness.
I was trying to achieve all these things to prove to myself that I could do it all. And do it…all…by…myself. Why?
It was at that moment realized there was a little something telling me what to do…i. The very letter that is in the center of pride, anxiety, and exist! Pride was getting in my way. Anxiety was stealing my joy. To just ‘exist’ was sabotaging my goals. I was holding me BACK!
It wasn’t the tasks I needed to manage; it was my motive that needed attention.
What did I do next? Five things.
- I asked God for clarity and perspective.
- I found my Wonder Twin. And called on them when needed; whether to physically help, to listen, or to be my cheerleader. “Wonder Twins Activate!”
- Took things one small step at a time, step, by step, by step.
- Made time to hang with my family and put aside the “I”.
- Gave myself permission to take a time-out every once in a while and baked cookies.
Christy’s Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookies
- Glass mixing bowl
- Measuring cup
- Measuring spoons
- Cookie sheet
- Parchment Paper
- Wooden spoon
- 1/2 cup Coconut Oil do not melt
- 1/4 cup Brown Sugar do not pack down
- 1/4 cup Cane Sugar
- 1 egg Prefer organic egg
- 1 tsp vanilla
- 1 tsp Apple Cider Vinegar
- 1 cup King Arthur's Gluten-Free Baking Mix Baking mix. Use a heaping cup.
- 1/4 tsp Salt
- 1/2 tsp Cinnamon
- 1/3 cup Enjoy Life Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips Mini These are allergy-free, read package.
- Preheat oven to 370. Tear a sheet of parchment paper and put it over the cookie sheet.
- Add the coconut oil, brown sugar, and cane sugar to glass mixing bowl and mix with hand mixer until mixed together
- Add egg, vanilla, and apple cider vinegar. Mix until together
- In a separate bowl, add a heaping cup of King Arthur's Gluten-Free Baking Mix, salt, and cinnamon. Hand mix with a fork.
- Gradually combine both bowls while mixing with the hand mixer. Mix until all together.
- Fold in Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips Mini with a wooden spoon.
- Scoop dollops of dough about the size of the wooden spoon and place on the cookie sheet. Allow 1-2 inches between dollops.
- Place the cookie sheet in the oven and set the timer for 11 minutes.
- While cookies are baking, clean-up the dishes. Please don't eat raw cookie dough due to the egg. We don't need tummy aches.
- When cookies are done, slowly transfer them to a cooling rack if you have one. Otherwise, remove the cookies from the cookie sheet in a minute.
For the remainder of the month, my Wonder Twin and I worked together. We joked as we cooked meals, we encouraged each other to manage the house, we were present with each other, and we played games with our son and dog.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work…” Ecclesiastes 4:9
This past December taught me something unexpected; my real superpower came from putting the “I” aside.
The cookies I baked that day didn’t last long. In fact, I made another batch that coming weekend. Who knew cookie dough would be so powerful?
Here are some of the ingredients I use for my cookie recipe. Don’t forget to use a glass mixing bowl! Plastic bowls have a tendency to add unwanted flavors to the cookie dough, plus there are chances of chemicals or plastic leaching into your delicious cookies. I use these, click on the picture below for more details.
Click on the picture for nutrition information and details.
Click on the picture below for ingredient information and more details.
By CT Copyright © 2018 More Than Existence All Rights Reserved.